Feelings

I feel a sense of failure these days for some reason. I am not sure where does it come from. It may be because of the sense of hopelessness that my country is giving me, and the lack of purpose, lack of vision, lack of compassion, lack of sensibility that the people are exhibiting day in and day out. It does not feel right. Everybody is angry at everybody. This anger, this hatred, this lack of empathy is doing no good to me, or anybody for that matter. I don't even know why am I writing this when I know that my voice does not count.

Last night I could not sleep. I feel burdened. I feel like crying. I feel like yelling. I feel like slapping the politicians hard. I feel like punching the 'bandh kartas'. I feel like leaving. I feel like giving up hope. I feel like not feeling anything anymore.

My company

This is what has been giving me company as I get stranded as a result of unending strikes in a nation which has become so fragmented that I no more feel we are a part of one single country.

Bandh ko din

Aja 'Nepal Bandh' (this word is absurd. How can a country be closed? funny). But I reached my office on my scooter before nine. Janne bhako.  Jahile yestai ho ma. Scooter is insured (thanks to papaji). Laptop is insured (thanks to office). I am not worth an insurance. Je parla parla bhanera hideko. Dhanna safely pugiyecha!

Why this culture of Impunity?

No breaking news with that..there was yet another bandh today..well,not one but two...The micro-bus drivers and conductors were agitated because a policeman beat up a driver...and the businessmen were on a protest on the raid that happened around yesterday...I had a difficult time trying to find out a local transport for myself.Everytime i and other passengers got on a tempo,we were very courteously threatened by the chaps to get down and walk to our destinations...It was irritating...but could i do anything??No,i couldnt...In a country where the government is so weak,it is credulous for a common citizen like me to fantasize ways to change the country...Why are people so self-centered in our country..Why is it always we versus they?Dont we belong to the same country?Will not the closure of the shops and transportation affect all including the providers and the users?

The micro-van drivers can do everything they want to...they can drive rash without even thinking of the troubles that they cause to others...charge more than what should actually be charging..be rude to passengers like they are doing a favor by giving a ride to them..use foul language...break traffic rules...and if someone, a policeman in the case tries to intervene,they think they are mistreated...its ridiculous...A funny thought passed my mind...i wish that the micro van drivers go on a perpetual strike...the capital would me much safer without them around..why were they ever introduced as a means of local transportation?and if they were,why were the drivers not provided with proper orientation?i use them everyday but i do that because i have no alternatives...Wish i had better alternatives...

Why are our countrymen the way they are?Why cant we all think like a family?Why is every group fighting against the other?I am starting to get sick of everything around...When will we change for the good...when will we live normal lives?..Why is there this culture of impunity in our country?

So many unanswered question..can anybody help with the answers and give me a reason to be optimistic?