Period.

I have been such a complaining old lady for such a long time that I feel exhausted. I am tired of feeling this way. Have you ever felt your body ache so much that at some point the pain ceases to exist, to make you feel any worse? I have reached exactly that point where I have stopped feeling terrible, really. What is the point of carrying the burden on your shoulders when you know that the burden is doing no good to you?

There might be millions of issues in my life, but who doesn't? So,

With March
coming to an end
I am putting my Miseries
to an end as well.

Yettikai rambling

Sometimes I think the best years of my life are over. Kasto pessimistic hai? I am normally not like this. tara budhi huna thale jasto cha ma. I feel scared. Just to think about withering years. I am the youngest of three sisters and I have always enjoyed being one. tara youngest nai bhaye pani, I am growing old. My sisters were both married at my age. My eldest sister gave birth to two daughters by this time. Ma chahi ajhai aafulai bacchha nai thanchu. Khaas thanchu chahi hoina, but I wish I could go back to my early 20s and give my age as an excuse for my naivete, for my mistakes, for my 'sab thikai cha ni' attitude..Aha! so now you know that I have crossed my early 20s..s**t...i don't like the sound of it.

Ali umer dhalkina thale pachi (o myaaannn, i do sound budhi here), your priorities change..your likes and dislikes change, your sense of style changes, your perspective towards world changes. You start attending so many wedding parties that it stops making sense, or alluring you. All my friends, classmates, colleagues, acquaintances, juniors, seniors, friends of friends and the whole world seems to be getting married. Fb kholna ni alchi lagna thali sakyo..kati bihe ko matra photos. Sabai behuli haru ramri dekhincha bihe ma...tara we still tell the behuli(s) that 'You made the best bride ever.' Weddings, while a sacred union of two people, has turned so much into this massive business that I feel...umm...i dont know what..may be disgusted..or may be a little less than disgusted. I cant seem to get the right word.

Tyestai, aajkal party haru ramailo lagna chodisakyo..i mean if i am given two options of either going out with friends or spending some time at home with those friends, I will undoubtedly choose the second option. Halla khalla dherai man pardaina. Some quiet time is all I need with my friends. Ramailo ta yettikai huncha tyespachi!

Ek dui barsha agadi jun group ma moj garinthyo, tyo group ta kasto distant lagna thalisakyo. I can no more relate to them. It is so strange but saanchi, tyestai huncha aajkal. I keep thinking about what caused this distance tara I don't have a definite answer. Uniharuka ra mera bichaar farak chan hola.

Aru ta tyestai ho, with passing age, you also realize the value of relationships, love, sacrifice. Pahila pahila, aafno baarema dherai sochinthyo, ahile tyesto hundaina. Maybe yasailai nai manche le 'you are growing wiser, and not older' bhanne gareka chan!

My to-do's

With so much free time at my disposal, I dont know what to do of it. After spending more than 20 months with absolutely no free time for myself, I have got so used to be being busy and doing things from my 'To-do-list' that I now dont know how to make the best use of the time when I dont really have a list.

I am not a creative. I cant paint, I cant write poetry. I used to make a lot of fancy stuffs when I was a school student, but as I have grown older, I dont know where did that interest vanish. Watching television is not my favorite passtime (even more so when we dont have one at our place). Facebooking has got on my nerves. I sleep more than eight hours at night so no day time napping. With all the alternatives exhausted, I am left with very few options.

Now, I am not the kind of person who can enjoy free-time. I am not trained to be that way. I start getting paranoid. I start whining. I get restless. I feel useless. So, just to make me feel good about myself, I have prepared a fictitious list of things that i need to take care of. They are nothing important but I have just made a list out of them just to feel useful.

My list includes: Complete reading Lolita, register for this test, go to a wedding party on Friday and Sunday, make plans to entertain K who is arriving on Saturday. The list is stupid, I know, but this is the best I can do at the moment.