A Passing Thought

It has been more than a year that I have been living a life that I had always wanted to...and exactly one year that I shifted to the place I live. I still remember the day. I had felt so hopeless. I had wanted to cry out loud. Our previous landlord (who was an absolute jerk) had forced us out of the house and we were in a new place just after three months of living in the old place. I was in Pokhara when my roommates had to shift in a frenzy. When I came back and visited the new place, I did not know how to think and react. Everything was such a major mess. After my flatmates left to buy some groceries, I had silently wept.

I was missing home. I realized the cost one has to pay to be 'independent'. One year later, I feel more settled now. The 2BH apartment might not be the best apartment, but I have come to think of it as home. When i am traveling for work, I cant wait to be back 'home'. The mattress might not be the most comfortable one, but I still can sleep peacefully. (Except for the time when it was attacked by an ugly frog...ewwww). The food I cook might not be anything close to what my mom cooks, it still is something I have cooked and can eat it with pride.

Living on your own has its charms, and demerits. There are frustrating times, so frustrating that you want to tear apart. I moved out from my aunt's place to be on my own, to find solitude when I got back home after a long day, to live my life on my own terms, without someone deciding my schedule for me. But, the same reasons make me utterly depressed sometimes...to find myself alone when I get back home and to eat my dinners by myself. Dashain is around the corner, and obviously the roads of Kathmandu are jam-packed. It has been exactly five days that I have been getting stuck for hours amidst trucks, buses, micros, cars, motorcycles, taxis, and people. While during my trips to Butwal and Palpa, I saw very few people. This sums up the whole of Nepal's dream of a city, the dream of making it big in Kathmandu. Kathmandu is a roof to all of Nepal's budding dreams although it does not have much to offer. I myself have been a slave to this, so I have no right to complain. I am just trying to say that there must be so many people who are living a life like mine, and pondering over the life they have chosen for themselves.

As the seventh day of the festive season approaches, the Kathmandu roads will gradually get empty, with the dreamers heading back home, to enjoy the warmth that they have been longing for the past six months, to wake up to the clinking of their mother's bangles, and the cacophony of everything that is associated with home. They can get up peacefully without having to worry about preparing breakfast, dressing up for the work that they are not very happy with, and paying the grocery store owner and the landlord. They can afford to steal a couple of extra minutes after waking up, to smile peacefully at the world and their life.

Honestly, I am no different. I am waiting for October 2, to get on that bus that will take me to the place where I can be just be my mamma's daughter !

Midnight sleep crisis

Tonight is one of those nights when I can't sleep. I remember mom complaining how she could not sleep at nights. I used to find it strange thinking how could someone not be able to sleep. But now I understand. I have a lot to do today and for some funny reason, when I have a lot to do, I can do nothing. That probably happens with a lot of people. A friend keeps telling me that I need a vacation. I surely do. This month and the next will be a lot of traveling for me. In September, it is mostly work related, and in October I am visiting my sister's place in India. She gave birth to a baby boy 4 days back:) Everybody is happy, and so am I. Its a great feeling when sisters become mothers. I know it. I so want to be there with my sister and the lil one. That will be a real vacation for me. I am looking forward to it.