Rain

My first rain of the season :) (I was out of valley the last time it rained).

Absolutely loved it. Missed a meeting. But who cares!

I ramble

I had decided to keep my blog 'politics free', but with the new developments, or let us say no developments, I have this serious urgency to write down my thoughts here.

For the past four years and especially the last couple of months, all that people talked about was the constitution. There were speculations on whether it will be made or it will not be made. Everybody had an opinion. Everybody shared their opinions. Honestly, I did not have much of an opinion. Whatever little I had, I refrained from sharing, because I knew that my opinion is not going to matter, that it is not going to bring the constitution.

So, now, some of you might call me a pessimist. But, let me just recap a few episodes of what my optimist Nepali daju bhais, didi bahinis, sathi sanginis have been doing in their bid to put pressure for the timely drafting of the constitution and put forth their demands.

Many hit the streets. Nepal saw a record breaking number of strikes this year and a lot of them ever since the formation of the CA. Our country looked like a jigsaw puzzle in my mind. Everybody wanted a share of it, without having to share their part with others. Some parts of the country, like the Far West has not yet come out of the closure plague. People are finding it difficult to meet their daily needs of food and medicine. Terai areas have been miserable. Kathmandu was not spared either. Everybody had their own sets of demands, everybody had their own agenda. Where did all these bandas take us? We are left without a constitution.

People wrote. Hundreds and thousands of articles have been written on the constitution, on CA, on federalism, on people's rights, on what nots of the constitution. The intellectual circle, the common people, the youth, the students, the political activists, the journalists, and many more people wrote on issues important to the constitution. Especially since the beginning of this year, the papers had nothing but the talks of the constitution. How much did this intellectuality lead us to? We are left without a constitution.

Social networking sites, including Facebook and Twitter were full of expressions. Everyone expressed their frustrations, their disappointments, their hatred, their disapproval, and many more feelings through their status updates, photos, cartoons, and other forms of art. (Here, I too was a part of some halla khalla on a website, but it was more to raise awareness among the youth, than anything else). Moreover, last month, a movement was launched on Facebook where everybody started putting 'Nepali' to their names in a bid to show that they are Nepali first before being a Brahmin, a Chhetri, a Newar, a Janajati, a Madhesi, a Muslim, a Christian, a this, a that. I am sorry, but I did not participate in it, because I didn't buy in the so called 'virtual movement.' If you think you are a Nepali first, why do you even have to write your surname. Why can't you be just Mr X Nepali, rather than being a Mr X Shrestha Nepali, or Mr X Pradhan Nepali? It didn't make sense to me. Anyway, the point is, what happened out of these online movements? We are left without a constitution.

People participated in Sadbhaav (Solidarity) Rallies. People en masse showed their presence in different places with their best of white clothes, and a candle to pray for peace and prosperity, and of course a constitution. What came out of it? We are still left without a constitution.

So, now, what happens now that the CA has been dissolved and we are left without a constitution for which we waited for four years, for which we spent billions from our nation's reserves? Just think about it. What happened today? The first day after yesterday. I woke up in the morning with a heavy heart. Many people must have. But what really happened today? Life was as normal as any other day.

The milk van came early in the morning in its usual time to deliver milk packs. Nepalese woke up to read their daily dose of news in the national dailies. Families had their breakfast together, some even had their lunch together since it was an off-day (It was Republic Day today-my foot!). Friends met at cafeterias to have aaloos and momos, lovers went out for a spin, vegetable sellers did a good business, movie theaters were overly crowded, shopping malls were no less, neta haru clicked pictures grinning, the paan shop played the same boring music, the men who come every morning to play badminton in the ground behind my house arrived on time and made the same kind of noise they make everyday, the same people who were busy carrying out the 'virtual movement' were busy posting their new pictures on the same forums. Nothing stopped. Nothing changed.

Having a constitution in the country was not going to be a magic wand. We already have an Interim Constitution in place, that we have been following for five years. We will continue following it. But the point is that the Prime Minister has been giving a signal for another CA election. Do we want it? Are we going to vote in it? Do we Nepalese want to repeat the same mistake again? If we do, we are fools. I am not going to vote if the CA elections happen this November.  I will rather not exercise my right than to feel guilty about it later. I am not, I am not. I am not. This is my personal movement, lu jaa! Je parla, parla.

I could not sleep the entire night because it was just too hot

And then as the morning sun gets ready to shine

I am engulfed by sadness

Making my heart feel cold

So cold that I had to pull the quilt over my cold heart.

O Ri Chiraiya

The theme song O Ri Chiraiya from the first episode of Satyamev Jayate has moved me. I have been listening to this song for the whole of day. I have not got tired of it. I am not going to get tired of it. It is an amazing song. It makes me think of my two beautiful nieces, who I am missing. Had spent the weekend with them, but whatever time I spend with them is never enough. It makes me think of myself and my two sisters, growing up together, fighting, embracing, learning from each other. It makes me think of my grandmother who cried after I was born as the third granddaughter. It makes me think of my sisters' wedding, when my parents had wept for having to send off their daughters to their husbands' homes.

I was born at a time when the need of a son was a lot more stronger than it is today. So, I don't blame my grandmother for not being excited about my birth. I don't blame my parents for planning another baby just a couple of months after I was born with the hope of having a son. Thankfully, my brother was born, sparing my mother to have to go through the process all over again for the fifth time. I don't know what would have happened of me if Science had progressed enough to determine the sex of a baby in the mother's womb. I don't know what would my parents' decision be. I don't know if I would be blessed to be a part of this world.

I am glad that I am here, experiencing life.

I cannot think otherwise. 

Feelings

I feel a sense of failure these days for some reason. I am not sure where does it come from. It may be because of the sense of hopelessness that my country is giving me, and the lack of purpose, lack of vision, lack of compassion, lack of sensibility that the people are exhibiting day in and day out. It does not feel right. Everybody is angry at everybody. This anger, this hatred, this lack of empathy is doing no good to me, or anybody for that matter. I don't even know why am I writing this when I know that my voice does not count.

Last night I could not sleep. I feel burdened. I feel like crying. I feel like yelling. I feel like slapping the politicians hard. I feel like punching the 'bandh kartas'. I feel like leaving. I feel like giving up hope. I feel like not feeling anything anymore.

Honesty

Pretentions
Make-ups
Plastic smiles
Empty promises
Makes me sick.

Honesty is ancient, really!

My company

This is what has been giving me company as I get stranded as a result of unending strikes in a nation which has become so fragmented that I no more feel we are a part of one single country.

My love affair

Every time I come back to Kathmandu, I feel great. Despite the dirt, the dust, the terribly managed traffic, the honking cars, the undisciplined  microvan drivers, the zooming motorcyclists, and so many other vices that engulfs our city, I fall in love with it all over again with every return. May be I feel this way coz it is home after all. Despite the leaking tap, and the cockroaches, home is home.

If this city was huggable (if there is a term like that), I would certainly hug it and let it know that I missed it, although I really dont have anyone here who misses me, or who waits for my arrival home, or who cooks a meal to welcome me, or who hugs me to let me know that I was missed.

Although I end up eating Maggie for dinner on my first night back home, I can't feel any less happy to be back, because Maggie would not taste the same in any place other than this (other than my first home, that is) ! :)

Ten things

Its been two days I left Kathmandu. Two nights, two districts, two rooms. This has been my story so far. Haven't been able to do much since there was a bandh on the first day I arrived (I reached this fancy hotel in a rickshaw), and yesterday was spent meeting a few people, having random conversations. It is funny how all of us so much dislike politics, but at a certain level, it is politics that brings us together, on which we can converse for hours.

Anyway, traveling to places always brings a sense of high. Other than a few things, everything about moving about makes me feel great.

1. I love to meet people from all sorts of background, having all sorts of ideas, who can talk non-stop.
2. The morning tea in my room, which is served without even asking for it.
3. I can just do my official work, and not worry about cooking, cleaning, doing the dishes. Everything is taken care of.
4. The television: I am not much of a TV person, but this occasional break is good.
5. The non-Kathmandu air. It is just different. 
6. The local rusticity
7. The genuine smiles from people
8. The free wi-fi that I get to use in random of places, like this one!
9. The morning birds chirping by my window pane.
10. And I get to enjoy all this absolutely free. Thanks to my office(s) :)

There are (very) few things that I am not very comfortable with during my travels.

1. The bucket and mug in the bathroom
2. The bed sheets and pillows
3. Blankets
4. Towels
5. Lizards and cockroaches
6. Very few times, the food
7. The piles of clothes that I need to wash once I get back home
8.  The loneliness
9. The tan
10. Well, cant think of the 10th thing!

But the goods certainly overshadow the bads, and I would never leave any chance to get out of Kathmandu just because there are dirty sheets, or smelly towels in the hotel room. This is also a part of the experience, after all!