Tonight, my sleep was disturbed
at 2:00 AM by the sound of a cockroach moving across the room (yes, again). But
for the first time, I am thankful to the monster. Luckily, it tried to show its
acrobatic skills by jumping from over the almirah. It fell down over its back,
and has not been able to jump back on its feet..haha. So it is still struggling
hard. It’s an ugly sight, but a relieving one.
Anyway, so why am I thankful to
it (he/she??) ? First, I was alerted in a way not to be able to fall asleep
again. This gave me a chance to work on an incomplete report which has been
pending for ages (read 1.5 years). Second, I got a chance to think over
‘things.’
The ‘things’ are very random. There
have been thoughts in my head for a long time, and I have not really expressed
them to anyone, not that I intend to, anyway. I feel distant from people, in
general. From people, I mean, friends, family, and loved ones. I feel
emotionally distant. Everybody has an opinion for me. While the truth is nobody
really cares. They say things to boost their egos, to let me know how much more
practical they are than me, how they are happier because of the decisions they
made, and blah blah. For a change, I don’t react to them. I don’t want to.
There is no point. I just accept what they say. My energy is drained out. I
just nod, and agree, boosting their egos further. Not that I don’t love them.
But just that I don’t feel that my wavelength matches theirs at this point in
time.
So, the things I think over makes
me realize that after a long time, I have been feeling a better about the turn
my life has taken. Everything happens for a reason, apparently. It took me a
while to internalize it in a way not to feel miserable. Last year was bad. But
then, I realize the value of a better this year. It is not the best, but let’s
not go into that. I think I was blinded for a long time. A very long time. But
now that I can see things from a clearer perspective, I know that misery will
follow us until we let it follow us. It is up to us to close the door and let
it go away. I am learning that art, and it is making me happier, more content,
so much in a way that I feel aged with all the wisdom J I am no longer angry with
anyone, I have no complains, I have no regrets, and I no longer carry the
burden that I have been carrying for months. I have learnt to let go. Just like
others have. May be this was meant to be how it is. And perhaps, it is the best
arrangement for everybody. Just one thing. Wish I was not this empty. 
5 comments:
That is "what I think in the middle of night" too. A total stranger to say this but I feel the same, my energy is drained...But I am content with realization..very well said.
Warm wishes..:)
Dear Friend
With all the positive attitude you end up saying "Wish I was not this empty." Its sounds strange. When you are empty you have nothing to loose ....You become empty for a reason..A reason to throw away all the old barriers which bothers you most of the time....A reason to bring new directions so you could take all the new things and add a new life to it...
Recall the old story of a boy who had traveled far away to learn something new from his teacher. He said he is familiar with all the arts of life. The old man smiled and told him to fill the glass with water untill he commands to stop....
the water overflowed from the glass but the old man didnot said a little..
When the jug was empty , the old man simply replied come when you are like this jug ...So i could teach you...Else the learnin will overflow like the water.......................................
Dear Kc,
Thank you for writing. We are all the same, after all. I wish you all the best!
Dear Anonymous,
I am so glad you shared your thoughts. You are right actually. It is, infact, good to be empty. I am ready for a fresh new start, thats my purpose, my reason :)
Tell me what you want to do.....!!!
But Still you are running away.
You have a purpose and a reason to start a fresh life again!!What are the purpose and reason. Cannot get you....
And Yes Wait for 10 More Years...You Are Just Ready...Now Wait for my instruction to Say Ready - Saeady - Get - Set - Go
I am so much influenced by this article. I feel someone has taken out my heart and jotted it down. Surely words don't form same meaning as they do for you...But somehow I get into same situations. When u say this line "Not that I don’t love them. But just that I don’t feel that my wavelength matches theirs at this point in time." I hope everyone can understand what it means in real life.... the same feeling of emptiness when u can just see fingers pointed towards u....
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